As you know, archetypically, Venus represents what we find pleasurable, what we enjoy, what simple delights have the power to restore equilibrium of soul and spirit. Venus in the natal chart can show us where it is soft, where life can become tenderized. Venus shows us the specific path of least resistance in a life that constantly pushes against us. Venus is for everyone. Everyone has Venus somewhere. Plus, Venus is dynamic. There is no one size fits all approach to softness. Venus’ methods of malleability are myriad, diverse, and unrelenting.
The sign Venus is in in our charts shows us the energies we may embody to step into softness, what activities or mediums we may move to and through to beautify our experience of life. Please keep in mind that for this article, we will be working within archetypal ballparks. The house of and aspects to your natal Venus can mitigate the expression of your soft spots. Nevertheless, admission into the archetypal ballpark can give you an idea of what may feel like a home run for you.
Keep in mind that these vignettes and explainers may also be valid for whatever sign Venus happens to be transiting through. It may represent a 3-4 week period of experimenting with new ways to experience softness and ease. Or even a period of challenge and integration, where life opens a door to softness you’ve previously not seen the value in or been able to walk through.
Let’s begin.
Venus in Aries: May find softness through active pursuit of anything novel, stimulating or challenging. The throughline for Venusian Arians is direct experience with life itself. Always wanted to try rock-climbing and a climbing wall opens near you? Try it. Always wanted to go to a vineyard and smash grapes but all your friends are busy? Do it. As an Aries, solo jaunts may be preferable anyway. Want to become friends with the cool girl across the room? Walk over. Here, the softness enters after a rush of adrenaline, after shooting a shot, through the satisfaction of knocking something off the bucket list, and the pleasure of proving your fear voice wrong. Softness here can also look like passionate engagement in relationships worth fighting for, or an unrelenting insistence that your art, your heart, your beauty, your value…be valued.
Venus in Taurus: May find softness through anything which requires full engagement of the senses. If you can see it, taste it, hear it, touch it or smell it—do it. This Venus placement may actually find softness through the soft life examples I introduced at the beginning, as Taurus loves a good cappuccino, or the feel of expensive sheets. But when we peer deeper, we find that this Venus sign softens when life becomes simple. Anything which uncomplicates the life—a walk through the woods, gazing into the eyes of a pet—or anything which grounds—like mindfully eating your favorite meal--introduces ease. And when you answer the call of animal instinct—so sitting when tired, or even masturbating when horny. Wink wink. Anything that softens the body, softens the Taurus.
Venus in Gemini: May find softness through mental stimulation and curiosity. Like Venus in Aries, Venus in Gemini is an energy that must go up and out. And best if that activity can involve your brain. Trivia night at the local pub? Yes. A bus tour of a city? Absolutely. The Venus in Gemini person giddily absorbs tids bits and bobs, and better if other people are around too. Softness here is created through neuroplasticity—through active learning, wordplay, cracking a joke, communication, and freely following anything that is shiny. To come alive again and again with childlike wonder. Because Mercury rules what we have two of in the body, work with the hands or arms is also implicated. Like the hand-eye coordination of a ping pong game. And never forget the power of a deep breath—Mercury rules the lungs too.
Venus in Cancer: May find softness through enmeshment with community, home, hearth and heart. Of all the Venus signs, Cancer is the one most likely to see softness as an inside job—both inside the home and inside the heart. Active attention to all that it is you feel can feel like the soft slumber that comes after a good cry. Softness here is created through being soft with the self, like a loving mother. Cancer is the initiator of connection with other human beings, so to be able to align hearts with those in community and find chosen (or given) family worthy of your tender heart is an integral soft life ingredient. Also, creating softness for others by initiating care, nurturance, and support returns softness to you tenfold. And never underestimate the power of comfort and familiarity—whether through a recipe, an old show, or through a nostalgic drive down memory lane.
Venus in Leo: May find softness through vulnerable self-expression and the celebration of life itself. Here, instead of boldly going for the sake of experience like the Arian, the Venusian Leo temperament fixates on that which will bring it closer to itself and its potential. Like, following the urge to go to an open mic after declaring to yourself I can sing dammit. Maybe you can, maybe you can’t, but the risk of exposure is needed if you are to grow more in love with yourself. That is the main throughfare to softness with the Leo—the post-performance glow. Whether it is stepping off a literal stage, telling a joke, or going for an absolute compliment-grabber of a haircut—to be seen, received, and regarded for simply being for who you are is where tenderness lives. Leading, guiding, and generosity of spirit soften you too—like the popular girl complimenting the uneasy new kid on their outfit, or the boss recognizing the singular talent of someone on their team. Celebrating others helps you to celebrate yourself helps you to celebrate life in all the different ways it is embodied.
Venus in Virgo: May find softness through meaningful service and tending to the small details of life. The simple act of maintaining a vegetable garden or dedicating yourself to an intricate work of art or writing can invite in a sense of warmth and the satisfaction of a job well done. Even better if the fruits of your labor can be enjoyed by others, or a pet, or a plant, so that their lives are softened by your gracious service. The critical eye of this Venus also invites in softness through attention to that which is often ignored—like clean baseboards, silverware which is complementary in color to your dinnerware, the specific brand and color of red lipstick that will highlight your specific undertone for a specific occasion. Venus here surrounds herself with small reminders that life’s beauty can show up in the mundane and in the process of turning what is into what could be.
Venus in Libra: May find softness through harmony. The harmony of a musical composition. The harmony between colors and shapes. The harmony between words in prose and stanza. The harmony between individuals in relationship. And the harmony that could be between the individual and society. Softness here comes through a classic attention to beauty, that which provides ultimate serenity of spirit. Libra also socializes this need for harmony, finding and creating softness by being the intermediary between two fighting friends, reminding each of them of the value of the other. Softness can come through seeing the validity in everyone’s truth, that perhaps there is no one truth, effectively defanging the poisonous bite of extremity. And softness can come through the simple act of sharing time with a complementary soul. Cultivating elegance and grace of spirit, not just of appearance, creates a reverberation of tenderness from the inside out. Like conditioner nourishing the strands of tangled hair, so do you have the ability to smooth out what feels knotted.
Venus in Scorpio: May find softness through the catharsis of that which is intense and radical commitment to honesty. Resolving to have a difficult talk with a lover, exposing your haunted past to a friend, putting the rawness of what you feel into song, sharing a dark joke about death—all create a release from which softness can enter. The soft life here looks like becoming unafraid of what used to scare you. And sharing this softness by holding someone else’s hand to hell and back where others would let go. Nothing binds you up like a lie, or like living unauthentically. Untruths create rigidity in expression. Softening into who you are comes at the price of revealing all of who you are to those trusted enough to hear your story. While the truth can sometimes be hard to swallow, it is still infinitely better than choking. Softness may also come through relationship to what is hidden, the mysteries of life, the occult, or that which turns the invisible gears of life. The Venusian Scorpio softens the rough edges of life by acknowledging what lies below the surface and showing us that everything is survivable.
Venus in Sagittarius: May find softness through open horizons and the creation of meaning. Softness comes in the form of finally booking that backpacking trip or that reading from your favorite astrologer or entering yourself into a chili pepper eating contest. Quite possibly all in the same week. Softness is found through these journeys of mind, foot, and mouth, and the necessary freedom needed to dive into them. There is a unique ability here to find softness anywhere in the world, through any belief system, and through immersion into any culture. Diversifying the soft life here is natural, ruler Jupiter ensuring an expansive outlet into just about any area you could imagine. Venusian Sagittarians don’t need comfort, luxury, or status to feel softened. You just need to know that something is possible. No border, no boundaries, only open space, and the promise of adventure. Softness is in the personal significance of these quests, the meaning they give you, and the meaning they give to life.
Venus in Capricorn: May find softness through commitment to a worthy goal. To be able to build towards something long-lasting, or to build life with another person, that is where Venusian Capricorns delight. Here, softness enters through a sense of pride and accomplishment, a sense of proving oneself to oneself and an earned self-respect. Antithetical as it may seem to softness, nothing can divorce Capricorn energy from ambition and work ethic. But to get to work towards what matters to you, versus spinning your wheels as a cog in someone else’s machine or doing all means to no end, is the differentiating ingredient. The phrase, do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life rings true here. Softness looks like purpose for Venusian Capricorns. Taking life seriously, moving with earnest towards a personal mountaintop, reveling in the milestones along the way and treating yourself in accordance with all that you achieve…that is how you feel softened.
Venus in Aquarius: May find softness through adherence to individuality no matter what. There’s a kind of rebel spirit here, a fixed determination to do the opposite of what others or society tries to coerce you into. Come from a family of scientists? Go into acting. Everyone is turning left? Buy a jetpack and beam yourself up. Raised to hate a certain kind of person? Grow up and that kind of person. In fact, it is my own Venus in Aquarius that inspired this piece to begin with, finding the soft life initiative incredibly reductive and trite. I’ll determine what a soft life is for myself, thank you very nuch. Venusian Aquarians benefit from being a friend to all, from welcoming in all the myriad ways human relationship can deliver an expansive mindset, softening the absolute rigidity of tribalism, nationalism, racism, sexism, ableism, etc. Aquarius finds softness by eating dessert first, by dancing to the beat of a drum only they can hear and by inviting others to dance with them. Expectation is taxing. Living life on your own terms is freeing. And freedom is oh so soft.
Venus in Pisces: May find softness through genuine connection with consciousness. Venusian Pisceans know that while you and I look like separate entities, we are in fact all connected, all one. Venus in Pisces softens when it softens into this awareness. You are not really your body, but the energy animating your body. You are not your thoughts, merely the witness of your thoughts. Trippy. But it allows for a type of escape that feels like transcendence. This doesn’t mean disappearing from the world, but rather, the ability to watch the world through the tender distance of compassion. Close enough to hold space yet removed enough not to buy into the propaganda of material reality. That is why art created and shared from this placement touches the soul. Softness here looks like a universal compassion for the plight of the human condition, and the willingness to heal in a world hellbent on causing harm. This is why Venusian Pisceans want to merge with others, so that they may also experience the softness of simply being, accepting, and surrendering.
____
My hope is that this talk has opened you to new, more relatable, more personal, and more profound ways of living a soft life. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or showed off, or expensive…it just has to feel good. And we are all entitled to that feeling.